“Divorce Sucks” Has Finally Leaked!

I haven’t wanted to say anything but it’s been leaked to both Page Six and Perezhilton. Yes, it’s true! My next book is called, “Divorce Sucks” and it’s written by none other than Mary Jo Eustace, the woman whose husband left her for Tori Spelling. I was friends with both Mary Jo and Dean when they were married and witnessed Mary Jo’s tremendous courage when Dean “met his soul mate” and left her and their newly adopted infant daughter. She went through a horrendous divorce in the limelight of Hollywood and is finally ready to tell her tale. But, it’s not a tell-all. Although there are many tasty tidbits , like all the other books in the “Sucks” series, the main focus is to help others through a difficult time and Mary Jo does a tremendous job of guiding someone through the perils of a sucky divorce. The book  is full of advice, tips, stories and inspiring thoughts that can make the hell of ending a marriage a whole lot easier. Look for “Divorce Sucks” in September or you can pre-order it through amazon.com. I’ll post the cover as soon as it’s allowed. It’s pretty cool!

GUILTY!

It was unanimous. All twelve of us came to the conclusion that the defendant was guilty! There was one women who took a long time to move over to the dark side, but she brought in homemade chocolate chip cookies this morning so we forgave her. They were still warm. We had no choice.

After all said and done, and all my bitching and complaining, it really was a good experience. I learned a lot about the judicial process and felt that I was part of an important system. And when it was all over and we got to chat with the lawyers, I felt confident we had made the right decision. Oh, and when I asked the lawyer how they could have chosen me for a juror when I had a minor child to care for, he said that can’t be used as an excuse anymore. He went on to say he chose me because I came across as an intelligent person capable of making an informed and educated decision. So I forgave me. Like with the cookies, I had no choice.

I Forgive You, O.J. Jurors

For years, I’ve been harboring resentment towards the jurors in the original O.J. Simpson case. How can those twelve people hear the evidence and not convict that man? I was perplexed. Dumbstruck. Even angered. But now that I’m the one sitting in the juror box all day, listening to testimony, weighing the evidence, and staring at the judges horrendous toupee wondering how that thing can sit on his head all day without moving, I now understand how a thing like that can happen.

You see, we jurors are given strict guidelines to follow that educate us in what determines guilt, how to judge testimony, what constitutes a “shadow of a doubt” and other various aspects of a case that are too boring to show on dramatic television. So today, when I sit with my eleven fellow jurors deciding the outcome of my trial, I’m grateful this case wasn’t broadcast to the world so that others won’t judge me as I did to the O.J. jurors. Forgive me O.J. jurors. I was wrong. An now that I sit in your seat, I understand why you sided the way you did. What I can’t understand however, is how a judge can wear that thing on his head and be oblivious to it’s powers of distraction.

Jury Duty Sucks Again

A couple of years back, I wrote about my sucky jury duty, but back then, I wasn’t even chosen for a trial. This time, I wasn’t as lucky. Yes, for the next week, I will officially be referred to as “Juror #10,” a vital part of the judicial process. So vital in fact, that it is deemed worthy of $15 per-day salary plus one-way milage reimbursement. Whoo boy.

Look, in an ideal world, I’d be delighted to serve on jury duty, but not when I have a kid in elementary school to pick up every day. There were 35 of us to choose from, many of which stated they’d be delighted to serve. But did they choose them??? Noooooo. Even though I told the court I had no one to get my daughter, they didn’t give a courtroom crap. They didn’t even dismiss the poor woman who recently lost her child nor the one whose husband just lost his job so she’s the sole provider of her family of eight living paycheck to paycheck. Jeez! Dear President Obama, can’t you please restructure the judicial system so the court will prioritize their jurors according to those that want, and are able, to serve. Thank you.

Your biggest fan,

Juror #10, the bitter and disgruntled juror