Summer Vacation Sucks

The reality of summer never quite equals the fantasy. When school ended in June, my daughter begged me not to send her to camp. I had forced her to go previous summers hoping that once she got there, she’d love the experience. Nope. Never happened. Instead, I’d fork over the funds of what would have made a nice jaunt to Paris so that my daughter could ride horses, go down water slides, and zip down zip lines. But even with those activities, plus several good friends to keep her company, she’d rarely come home with a smile on her face. So this summer, I told her she’d get her wish and she could have a lazy  vacation. What I didn’t foresee was that a hormonal pre-teen plus too many hours at home, equals meltdowns, screaming fits, and a great need for “mommy’s little helper.” Now I know why parents across the country fork over large funds to send their kids off to summer camp. Who cares about trivial things like saving for retirement, building a college fund, and collecting overwhelming credit card debt when there’s a kid at home refusing to do chores, demanding more television time, and whining more than Earnest & Julio Gallo. Next summer, I say “Hell yeah” to camp.

Can’t Wait for Divorce Sucks to be Released!

It’s so exciting whenever a new book is released. I’ve been through a dozen releases so far but Divorce Sucks will be special. It’s a fantastic book, very helpful and empowering for any woman going through the hell of a divorce, and it’s a fabulous account of the hell that Mary Jo Eustace went through when her husband left her for Tori Spelling. I’ll post some tidbits from the book soon, but for now, I just had to say how excited I am! The book should hit the shelves towards the end of September!!!!

Having Your iPhone Stolen Sucks

I just got my first iPhone a few months back. It was love at first sight. The sleek design. The colorful apps. We were a match made in heaven. In fact, if my husband and my iPhone were both drowning I’d have a hell of a hard time deciding which one to save. But, today my deepest fears came true when my iPhone was stolen. I was at the beach with my daughter and a couple of her friends. A man (later to be known as “the thief”) came over and sat close to us.  Not too close to bother us, but close enough to feel like he was invading my personal space. He waited until we were all in the water and then made his move. By the time I was out of the water, my iPhone was history. This man was a good thief. His calculated move of sitting close was brilliant so nearby beachgoers would think nothing of him going through my purse. The thief also faced the water so I never saw a good look at his face therefore being unable to identify him. Yes, this thief was a good thief. So good in fact, that he almost deserves my iPhone. Not quite. But almost.

**Update: Sorry to falsely accuse you, stupid evil thief man. I found my iPhone which was caught up in the folds of my beach chair. I shouldn’t have blamed you for my mistake, although I still think you’re a bit creepy.

Did You Know I’m In A Band?

Yes, it’s true. I learned how to play guitar a few months back, and now I’m a member of a band we call, The Liver Spotz (notice the letter “z” which makes our name ultra cool). The band consists of friend Simon Millar on guitar, Paul Gardner on keyboard, and my husband Jeff on yet another guitar. Currently I’m sleeping with Jeff, but you never know what can happen because, hey, I’m in a band. I too play guitar and I’m also lead singer (because no one else wants to be), music sheet copier and distributor (because no one else will do it), guitar strap and music stand procurer (because I have a friend who’s a musician…thanks Kay), and roadie who sets up the band whenever we have a gig (we actually had one!). The only thing I don’t do is tune my guitar because I think tuning is for wimps. Besides I don’t know how to so my my husband does it for me. I am sleeping with the guy so it’s the least he can do if he hopes to keep me around.

As mentioned, we had a gig. It was last night during the Abram’s drinking party. There was plenty of drama surrounding the day with our keyboard player quitting the band and then changing his mind at the last minute, and Simon insisting we rehearse one more time as if it would make a hell of a difference. We went on at 9:00 pm and  our set consisted of three songs: “Mother and Child,” “Father and Son” and “In My Mind I’m Going to Carolina” (yes, we’re old). We had more songs to play, but after three songs we realized how much we suck, and how the guests were more interested in getting Jello shots than listening to us play.

All in all, it was a great evening. Historic even, since it marked the last performance of The Liver Spotz.  I did learn a lot though. I learned how hard it is to keep a band together. Why concert tickets cost so damn much because there’s so much work takes place behind the scenes. And how much alcohol is involved to make an inherently shy woman get up in front of group of people and make a fool out of herself. But when you’re in a band, you do what ya gotta do. And yes, I am in a band.