“pregnancy sucks for men”

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Let’s face it.  As much as we want them to, men don’t read pregnancy books.  So I wrote one that’s “men friendly” filled with pregnancy concerns that only they can relate to, omitted queasy girly words like “tampon” or “discharge”, and put in just enough sexual jokes to keep them interested!  Here’s a look at the introduction of the book so you can get an idea of what it’s all about: 

When I found out I was pregnant I was the happiest woman alive.  After years of hoping, my dream had finally come true.  But what I thought would be nine months of bliss turned into nine months of blecch.  And worse yet, I couldn’t utter a single complaint to my friends and family for fear of being perceived as the worst mother-to-be in the world.  For complaining when you’re pregnant is looked upon by mankind as unwomanly and downright sinful.  But instead of keeping quiet like a good little pregnant girl, I wrote a book about what a difficult time reproducing can be and called it PregnancySucks.

Several months after the book was finished I got a call from Kate, my editor.  “We were thinking that you should write a companion book for Pregnancy Sucks.” said Kate.  “It would be a book from a man’s point of view about all the unpleasant aspects that fathers-to-be have to go through as well.”  I thought about it for a second and said, “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!”  Truth be told, I thought the idea was actually rather stupid, but I sure wasn’t going to pass up a book deal when one was thrown my way.  But after Kate hung up I wondered how I could ever write such a book.  How much did pregnancy really suck for men anyway?  Sure, they have to live with a cranky wife and have less sex, but does it really suck?  I didn’t think so.

So I turned to my husband, Jeff, and told him what Kate had proposed.  I told him that a book that lists all the ways pregnancy sucked for men would be shorter than one that listed the Cubs’ winning seasons.  But then Jeff did something truly surprising.  He didn’t laugh. That’s not really the surprising part since Jeff doesn’t always get my sense of humor (it’s a source frustration for me, but he knows how to fix things around the house so I forgive him).  What was surprising about that moment was the serious look on his face.  “What is it?” I asked in the loving, caring way that I always do.  “Is there something you didn’t tell me when I was pregnant?  Then, after years of keeping quiet, Jeff finally admitted the truth.  He poured his heart out and told me about the dozens of reasons why he too found the reproductive process so difficult to handle.  The truth poured out of him with the force of Niagara Falls.  It was as if the pregnancy floodgate had finally been lifted.

I asked Jeff why he had never mentioned all this to me when I was pregnant, and he gave me two very good reasons.  The first one was, just like with an expectant woman, it was socially incorrect for future fathers to complain about their wives’ pregnancy.  If he did, he would be seen as the loser of all husbands and not worthy of the blessing that had been bestowed upon him.  His second reason was simpler: When I was pregnant, I outweighed him by 50 pounds.  So Jeff did what every other father-to-be does: He kept his mouth shut.

Because of Jeff’s honesty, I decided that Kate was right.  This book should be written.  It’s a story that must be told so that the truth can finally be revealed.  Pregnancy does suck for men as well.  But I knew that I couldn’t write this book alone.  Doing so would go against my cardinal rule of writing: Write what you know.  And I know the thing for sure.  I am not a man who has lived with a pregnant woman. 

Just then a light bulb went on above my head. It was only Jeff fixing the overhead fixture (see, he really is quite handy) but it still gave me the inspiration that I needed.  Jeff should help me write the book.  He’s the one who can provide the male perspective that it so desperately needs.  He’s the one who can supply the difficult topics that I’ll need to focus on.  And by far the most important thing, he provide the voice.  We would work together on the book, and it would be written from Jeff’s perspective.  We both know that after hearing your wife rant and rave all day, that last thing you want is to listen to another woman telling you what to do.

So Jeff and I worked together and designed Pregnancy Sucks for Men to be the quintessential guide for the fathers-to-be.  It’s a book that’s geared towards the interests of men and focuses on the problems and issues that they’ll be faced with during the months ahead.  It offers numerous ways in which they can help their wives with their uncomfortable pregnancy ailments.  And it also gives expectant fathers the woman’s perspective on some hot topics so that they can dodge the inevitable bullets that hormones and mood swings can fire off.  And, for no extra cost, you’ll also receive a monthly update of your baby’s development so that you know what he’s been up to while he causes such havoc on your life.

I sincerely hope this book will give you the tools that you’ll need to survive these next nine months.  I hope that it enlightens you about the changes that are taking place in you, your wife, and your child.  And I hope that by learning a few tricks, you can take away some of your wife’s discomfort and in turn, make her happy.  Because that my friend, is what pregnancy for men is really all about.

3 responses to ““pregnancy sucks for men”

  1. My son is reading this, anticipating the birth of their first child. Sounds like a hoot!

  2. Nice to know that i am not the only man struggling with pregancy…any advice for supporting a pregnant who suffers from depression?

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