Spa Days Suck

Not really.  Just like they say “there’s no such thing as bad sex” (especially once you finish that mental to-do list), there’s no such thing as a bad spa treatment either. When I turned in my first book, Pregnancy Sucks, years ago, I treated myself to a massage and it was heavenly.  I decided then and there that I would continue the tradition with every major project I completed.  Ten books later, the only indulgence I had time for after turning in a book was taking the whole three minutes to let the conditioner sit on my head.  But after turning in Christmas Sucks, and before starting on my next project, I headed off to Burke-Williams.

A good friend of mine recommended something called the Hunter’s Retreat.  It’s where you lie on a table and have like a dozen shower heads over you hosing you down like a Silkwood Shower.  Then, a wonderful lady scrubs you with expholiating soap, another rinse, then a scrub with long strands of raffia, then another rinse.  I tried hard to relax, but the guilt consumed me.  I live in Southern California where you’re not supposed to flush a toilet let alone use a swimming pool’s worth of water to get clean.  I promise not to turn on another faucet until October to make up the difference.  

 Even so, the experience was quite heavenly.  I left relaxed and my skin is as smooth as 12 year old scotch.  The only negative I had was with the uncomfortable sandals.  Or at least I thought they were uncomfortable.  In reality, there was actually a right and left shoe inside one another so unbeknownst to me, I was walking around wearing four shoes .  Moron.  Oh, and I also took my first steam where you walk into a room so full of hot steam that you could barely see or breathe.  I tried to relax, but I was afraid I’d concentrate too hard, not realize I was suffering from asphyxiation, and die.  Aside from those things, I highly recommend the treatment. Especially for those not living in a drought ridden city, aren’t a moron, and like hot steams.  Guilt, blisters, and the whole death thing, can suck the fun out of any spa day.

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